〰
The fireworks were exploding in the night sky creating all kinds of patterns, showing all the beautiful colours and making loud noises that scared some children and they hid behind the adults next to them.
It didn’t take long for Yoongi to lose interest in these exploding colours. He turned his head to the right where a beautiful young man was standing right next to him. He saw his friend’s happy face and smooth skin which was reflecting the light of the bursting fireworks. Yoongi was exploring every feature of Jimin’s face. His sparkling eyes that would make him look adorable whenever he was smiling. His dark hair parted in the middle which was slightly damp from sweat and clinging to his forehead. His soft and chubby rosy cheeks that were perfectly flushed. His muscular neck. His collarbone which wasn’t hidden under his casual back shirt. And finally his plump lips forming big smiles and ‘o’ shapes because of the stunning view in the sky in front and above them.
Yoongi stood there and thought to himself, ‘Is this how I’m supposed to feel? Is this how people feel looking at their best friend? Is it possible to feel so calm and warm but at the same time feel like somebody put their hand through my chest and clutched my heart with their freezing cold fingers?’
Jimin felt his gaze and turned his head to face him.
‘What?’ He asked as Yoongi felt the cold fingers squeeze his heart even more.
‘Nothing’ He tilted his head back to the sky, ‘You just look sweaty and a bit disgusting.’
Jimin chuckled, ‘It’s hot, okay? But isn’t this so beautiful?’ He asked as he pointed at the fireworks, raising his eyebrows.
Yoongi turned to look at him again, a small but genuine smile forming on his pale face, ‘Yeah. Yeah, it is.’
They were roommates. Their apartment wasn’t anything fancy, two tiny rooms and a living room connected to the kitchen. But they were more than happy with it. Yoongi would stay in his room most of the time writing music anyway. He didn’t need much space or furniture, he couldn’t care less about that stuff. Jimin, on the other hand, would practise a lot with his dance group at their studio meaning he wouldn’t be at home all day. Also time to time going to perform in different cities and not being home for a few days straight.
‘Wasn’t it fun?’ Jimin asked on their walk back home.
‘I guess it was’ Yoongi answered shrugging his shoulders.
‘I said it would be’ He chuckled and added, ‘So you don’t regret going there with me?’
‘Well, the music wasn’t exactly my type.’
‘Ugh, always so grumpy’ Jimin poked Yoongi’s arm with his elbow.
‘Mmhmm’ He just hummed in agreement.
The weather was still nice and warm. The asphalt was reflecting the soft orange light as the two men were walking and laughing at random things beneath the street lamps.
〰
‘Do I look hot?’ Jimin barged in when Yoongi was sitting behind his table and doing some work on his laptop.
He lifted his head up towards Jimin and furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.
‘Let me rephrase that. Do I look good?’
He was wearing his new black skinny jeans which showed every muscle of his legs, a white t-shirt and a leather jacket. He indeed looked hot.
‘Um, you look… decent’ Yoongi said while scratching the back of his head.
‘Okay then. It’s good enough for me’ Jimin wiggled his brows.
‘I can smell your cologne even from here.’
‘Excellent’ His cheeky smile appeared on his face.
Yoongi rolled his eyes, ‘What’s the occasion?’
‘I have a date. In half an hour actually, sooo see ya’ He stormed out of the room closing the door behind him.
He wouldn’t date much because of his love for dancing. He had to practice a lot and create new choreographies pretty much 24/7. So Yoongi just sat there behind his desk, thinking of how exciting this night must be for Jimin. ‘I should go out as well’ He thought.
〰
‘What the hell were you thinking?’ Jimin shouted aggressively the same night sitting on the bench at the bus stop near the police station. Yoongi just looked at his feet not saying anything. He was wearing blue jeans and a navy blue hoodie which had blood stains on it.
‘Apparently you weren’t thinking at all. How much did you drink?’
‘Enough?’ Yoongi responded shrugging his shoulders.
‘Enough for what? To lose your sanity? To get in a fight with some guy you don’t even know?’
‘I got bored.’
‘Unbelievable’ Jimin sighed.
It was about 11 pm. There weren’t any people around them, except a policeman who parked his car in the parking lot and walked to the police station.
‘Just look at you. These wounds will take weeks to fully heal.’
Yoongi chuckled sarcastically, ‘Why do you even care? It’s not like I go on stage often and it’s not like I need to look presentable or ‘hot’ all the time.’
‘Oh is this what it’s about?’
‘What?’
‘Are you being jealous?’
Yoongi turned his head to face Jimin.
‘Of me performing more often than you.’
Yoongi sighed and chuckled ironically, ‘You’re talking nonsense. Besides, I would beat YOU up, not some random guy.’
‘Whatever. Just be grateful that you have such a good friend who gets your ass out from the police station and leaves his date in the middle of the make out session.’
‘Yeah, yeah. Thanks.’
〰
‘I could do this myself.’
Yoongi frowned as he felt a sharp pain on his cheek.
‘Yeah, no. You would’ve just went to sleep.’
They were sitting in front of each other on the wooden chairs in the living room. Jimin had a cotton pad in one hand and a bottle of rubbing alcohol in the other. He was leaning forward just a little bit, to take a better look at the cuts on Yoongi’s face as he was patting them gently.
‘Don’t frown so much. You were a big boy when you got in a fight. Now be a big boy and endure this little pain just for a bit more.’
It was incredible how much of Yoongi’s shit Jimin would put up with. No matter how pissed off he was he would still take care of his best friend. Jimin’s naïve personality always amazed Yoongi and sometimes he would feel so freaking guilty and embarrassed of his own behaviour, not being able to show how truly grateful he was. He was this way since he can remember – always pushing people back, not feeling worthy of their love.
Yoongi was watching Jimin as he turned himself to the table and searched for something in the first aid kit. Yet again that feeling of someone’s hand clutching his heart came back and all he could do was wonder if there’s any chance of Jimin feeling it too.
‘Is it the same for you?’ His low and uncertain voice filled Jimin’s ears.
‘Uh, I need more details. What is the same for me?’ He asked as he took a Band-Aid and leaned closer with his upper body, hands a few inches from Yoongi’s face. As Yoongi still sat not responding, he tilted his head to the side in order to see the wound better. He gently placed the Band-Aid to the cut near Yoongi’s lips.
Yoongi clenched his fists, taking a deep breath.
‘So?’ Jimin questioned leaning back resting his hands on his thighs.
Yoongi gulped, ‘Nevermind.’
〰
‘Oh by the way’ Jimin said standing on the doorstep to his room, ‘Be ready to go out tomorrow at 7 pm.’
‘Where to?’
‘I asked that girl to take a friend with her. Consider this as a double date or something.’
‘Wait what?’
‘I don’t know, man. I think you need to get laid.’
‘Since when do you care about that?’
‘I know, I know – I’m the best.’
Yoongi sighed.
‘Wear something nice, yeah?’ Jimin chuckled entering his room and closing the door.
〰
They all met at an Italian restaurant. There were just a few free tables and they sat in the corner behind a table for four.
‘I heard the food is really good here’ Said a girl sitting next to Yoongi, smiling at him.
‘Yeah, I guess so’ He responded with a little smile.
〰
‘So you write music?’ The girl asked after ordering the food.
‘Well, yeah, I do.’
‘That’s so cool!’ She seemed really excited.
Yoongi on the other hand didn’t seem to be that interested. Yes, the girl was pretty and all but he didn’t think he needed a girl right now. He was really busy with his work. Writing songs surely isn’t an easy thing to do. You never know when and where you’ll get inspired and once you begin something you can’t do anything else until you’re finished, right? He couldn’t afford a distraction like that. Just because Jimin thinks he needs to ‘get laid’ it doesn’t mean that this is a good idea. ‘No, I don’t need that right now’ He thought to himself.
‘What kind of music?’
‘Mostly hip hop.’
‘Oh, nice. I mean I don’t really listen to hip hop but maybe I would like your stuff if you showed me.’
‘Mmhhm, maybe’ He turned his head and looked at his hand which was playing with his keys on the table.
‘He might seem a bit cold. I guess you’ll have to do the talking’ Jimin said to the girl and chuckled.
‘Oh, I see.’
Yoongi glanced up at Jimin with squinted eyes and Jimin raised his eyebrows and nodded. People can see it by themselves that he’s not into talking that much, so why Jimin had to comment about it every damn time as if trying to find an excuse of why he’s being rude. Yoongi guessed it was yet another way of Jimin caring for him.
Jimin and his date were all lovey dovey when the waitress brought the food. Yoongi watched as Jimin wrapped his hand around the girl’s shoulder and kissed another one’s bare skin and leaned close to her ear to whisper something. The girl giggled and smacked Jimin’s chest lightly. Did he say something stupid? Or did he say something dirty and the girl played innocent as if she didn’t want anything to do with whatever Jimin suggested in her ear seconds ago?
Yoongi sat there looking at the new couple. If he had to describe what he felt he would say, ‘You know that moment when you look at something or someone with your empty mind, not a word in your head, feeling some kind of emptiness inside of you and the only thing you want to do is to look away. But you don’t. And you keep your eyes on that something or someone with basically no expression on your face. Well, maybe you furrow your brows a little. Not in an angry way, not at all. Maybe in a similar way when you feel sadness. Just plain sadness. Maybe you eventually lower your eyes and stare at one dot, whatever it would be - a fork, your phone or the floor. It doesn’t even matter. You still see that something or someone in your head that made you feel this way in the first place. Yeah, that’s pretty much it.’
〰
‘Please, put your phone down’ said a text message that popped up on Yoongi’s phone screen. He was on the phone most of the time while eating his dish. He sighed and put the phone in his pocket.
‘Excuse me’ He said in his raspy voice and stood up. He walked between the other tables and felt people’s gazes which made him rush the pace. He spent a good minute in the restaurant’s bathroom trying to figure the chaos in his head out and understand his own mood.
‘What’s wrong?’ Yoongi bumped into Jimin when stepping out of the bathroom.
‘What do you mean?’
‘You’re being kinda rude, you know’
‘I know’ He slightly pushed Jimin to the side and walked off. Jimin sighed and followed him to their table.
‘Something came up. I have to go now’ Yoongi said taking his jacket off the chair.
‘What? What came up?’ Jimin raised his eyebrows while standing near his chair across the table from Yoongi.
‘It was nice meeting you’ Yoongi bowed to the girls, turned around and walked out of the restaurant, leaving Jimin standing with raised hands and shrugged shoulders.
〰
Yoongi was sitting in the living room when Jimin stepped into their apartment.
‘Ugh, this rain is really-’ He stopped murmuring when he noticed his friend’s head with his messy hair above the sofa’s backrest.
He walked up to the side of the sofa and Yoongi just stared at the black screen of the TV.
‘Should I be worried? Did something happen?’
‘No’ Yoongi answered, his voice just a little louder than a whisper.
‘No? So you’re just… being an ass for no reason?’
‘Mmhmm’
‘No reason at all?’
Yoongi turned his head towards Jimin and eyed him up and down, from his dark wet locks sticking to his face, his soaked shirt showing his every muscle to his wet skinny jeans doing the same thing. He turned his head to look back at the TV.
‘Pretty much’ Now his voice sounded louder and more certain.
Jimin snorted, ‘I find you a date, I would say a freaking gorgeous one, and all you do is scroll through your phone pretending that she didn’t even exist. What the hell is wrong with you?’
Yoongi bit his lips and exhaled loudly. What he could say at this moment? He stood up and was walking past Jimin when he felt a tight grip on his forearm.
‘Answer me’ Jimin demanded. They were now standing side to side. Yoongi was looking down, seeing his friend’s figure next to him and fingers tightly holding his arm with a corner of his eye.
‘What do you want me to say? That I’m an ungrateful asshole and that I’m sorry?’
‘I want you to be sincere. I want you to say the truth’ He released Yoongi’s arm and turned himself to face his side profile, ‘I can see that something’s bothering you.’
They knew each other for years, so Jimin knew that this wasn’t just one of those shitty days for Yoongi. It was something else. Something that was bothering him for a while now.
‘I don’t know, okay?’ He exclaimed turning to Jimin and taking a step back ‘I don’t know what I want, I don’t know how to feel or how to act anymore’ He looked down, sighed and continued with a soft voice, ‘All I can think about is…’ He lifted his head and looked to the side avoiding eye contact with Jimin.
Jimin stepped forward closer to Yoongi and reached his shoulder squeezing it, trying to comfort his friend.
‘How can I help you?’
Yoongi forced himself to look straight into Jimin’s dark eyes. The look of concern on his face was enough to make shivers run down Yoongi’s spine. He sure was worried. And all what Yoongi wanted to do was to wash all the worries away. And to let Jimin know how precious he was to him. How much he appreciated everything that Jimin did for him. How much he loved his smile. And how much he wanted to be the reason of it never disappearing from his face.
‘Tell me what I can do for you’
Yoongi exhaled looking down. A few seconds of silence passed when he bowed just enough to press his forehead to Jimin’s chest, right below his left shoulder. He could feel the warmth of Jimin’s skin through his wet shirt.
‘Just hold me’ He said so softly that it almost sounded like a whisper.
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